Gen Zen: Had a 'cringe attack'? Here's how to feel better about your embarrassing moments

SINGAPORE — My journalism internship at TODAY started innocuously enough, writing up press releases and interviewing uncles and aunties about the end of the Covid-19 circuit breaker in 2020.

Three months into my internship, however, I was tasked with my first doorstop interview with a minister.

So there I was, among a sea of journalists, and when the time came for me to ask my question, I stuttered.

"Mr Sir... no I mean... Minister... urm... Sir," I uttered as I felt all eyes on me. A wave of embarrassment engulfed me as I took a deep breath before attempting to ask my question.

I doubt anyone at that event remembers my struggle to address the minister. But three years on, the memory of that incident still haunts me, giving me goosebumps whenever it reappears out of nowhere.

These seemingly sudden bouts of embarrassing memories resurfacing are known informally as "cringe attacks".

While the effects of most cringe attacks are easily shaken off, I admittedly do dwell on some memories for longer than I would have liked. 

I am not alone. Youths are more susceptible to having cringe attacks, psychologists told TODAY, as they are more self-conscious and fearful of being judged.

Here's why we get cringe attacks, and how to deal with them.

YOUTHS MORE LIKELY TO GET CRINGE ATTACKS

Psychiatrist Lim Boon Leng from Gleneagles Medical Centre said cringe attacks are an evolutionary trait where we notice and remember negative things more than the positive ones.

"It's a survival trait. Anything good is not too useful for survival, but anything negative we want to take note and use it as an advantage for our survival," he said.

"Cringe attacks are like a danger signal that we need to avoid repeating that action."

Another reason for cringe attacks is the "suppression rebound" effect, said Dr Praveen Nair, a senior consultant at Raven Counselling and Consultancy.

"The more you want to suppress a memory, the more likely it is to suddenly come up," he said.

"When you have an embarrassing moment, you don't like that negative feeling so you suppress the memory. That memory then crops up."

But while cringe attacks may occur out of the blue, they are often triggered by something, said Dr Praveen.

"Sometimes you're distracted and pass by something that might trigger the memory. You may not have actively noticed it in the moment, but it will trigger the memory later," he explained.

Dr Lim added that youths are more likely to be hit by cringe attacks than their older counterparts.

"As you're older, you may be less worried about being judged or what people think of you, so you cringe less and think less of these situations," he said.

These attacks, however painful the embarrassment may be, have a silver lining though. It shows developing self-awareness and allows people to learn how to navigate social situations.

"If taken the right way, it also allows you to laugh at yourself, which can be therapeutic to some," added Dr Praveen.

Cringe attacks should not be mixed up with trauma — cringe attacks' effects are shorter and do not have an impact on your day-to-day functions.

"How you deal with them also differs. It's crucial to seek professional help if you have faced a traumatic experience that impacts you daily," Dr Praveen said.

CAN I HAVE FEWER CRINGE ATTACKS?

Nonetheless, the uncomfortable feeling cringe attacks gives makes most feel like curling up in a ball and hiding away from the world for a moment.

Here are some tips Dr Lim and Dr Praveen have to help you work out your cringe attacks, and have less of such memories pop up.

1. Identify the trigger and avoid it

Cringe attacks are often not as sudden as it seems. One preventive measure is to identify what might cause a cringe attack.

Dr Praveen said one tip he gives his clients who struggle with cringe attacks is to stay away from social media. 

"The more stimuli you are exposed to, the probability of seeing a trigger is higher," he said.

2. Don't suppress a cringe attack

Experts say sometimes just letting a cringe attack run its course can help desensitise you over time.

"Find a comfortable process to go through a cringe attack. Perhaps give it an intensity rating when the memory pops up," said Dr Praveen.

3. Reframe your embarrassing memory

An embarrassing memory might have been remembered differently by people, said Dr Lim, and talking to others to relook the moment can help.

"We are our biggest judge. Maybe you said a joke which falls flat but others in the situation may not have found it that bad," he explained.

"Sometimes you need to challenge your own embarrassing moments, and talk with your friends about it. You might find out that a memory was not as embarrassing as you remembered it to be."

Dr Praveen added that people can also reframe the moment by looking for a silver lining. Perhaps find a learning moment or some humour from the memory, he suggested.

"Put the memory into perspective — these moments have shaped who you are today," he said.

4. Change your self-talk

Self-talk is your inner voice that tells you what is good or bad. By shifting how you self-talk, you might be able to find solace with your embarrassing moments.

"Perhaps this embarrassing moment happened when you were a teen but you're now in your 20s. Don't judge your teenage self with the knowledge of yourself today," said Dr Praveen.

"Sometimes we just need to be more compassionate with ourselves."

Dr Lim added: "Remember that we can't get rid of all anxieties in life.

"Try to be kinder to yourself and don't judge yourself too much. You have to let (cringe attacks) come and go, and not dwell on it."