Commentary: To address bullying, we must understand what drives children to harm others

SINGAPORE: Bullying has recently captured public attention, fuelled by the viral spread of videos depicting victims being brutally beaten.

These shocking clips have sparked concerns that bullying may be escalating in both frequency and severity. While these reports make bullying seem like a growing epidemic in Singapore, the reality is that bullying has always been a deeply ingrained societal issue.

Drawing from Routine Activity Theory in criminology, bullying occurs when there is a convergence of a "motivated offender", a "suitable target", and the absence of a "capable guardian". This theory helps illustrate that bullying, like other forms of violence, has long existed when these factors are present.

However, what remains perplexing to many is the question: How does a child become a “motivated offender”? Understanding who becomes a bully and why is key to breaking the cycle and preventing further harm.

FACTORS BEHIND BULLYING BEHAVIOUR

On one extreme end of the spectrum, individual traits like psychopathy, or traits associated with a lack of empathy and impulsive aggression, are often linked to bullying behaviour.

Children with these traits cannot comprehend the emotional impact of their actions and find satisfaction dominating others. They may also have other antisocial behaviour like animal cruelty, being deceitful and vandalism.

Such traits are warning signs of more serious behavioural issues and even criminality if not addressed.

Social dynamics often play a significant role in bullying behaviours. A 2010 study from the US highlighted that "a typical bully struggles to resolve conflicts, faces academic challenges, harbours negative attitudes towards others, and often has a poor self-image".

The study found that these children frequently come from homes marked by conflict, inconsistent parenting, and a negative school environment. They are also highly susceptible to peer influence, which reinforces their bullying behaviour​.

Some children engage in bullying to gain acceptance within their peer group or to elevate their social standing by asserting dominance. The need to secure “bragging rights” or boost their reputation can drive such actions.

“HARMLESS FUN”

In today’s digital age, the lure of uploading clips further complicates the issue. The instant gratification that comes from likes, views and shares on social media has transformed bullying into a public spectacle.

The viral nature of these videos amplifies the harm, as children may participate in or perpetuate bullying to gain online clout, contributing to the normalisation of aggressive behaviours​.

Bullying often creates a cycle of violence where a child who has been bullied may become a bully to regain control or power. This "bully-victim" behaviour is driven by past trauma and a desire to inflict the pain they once endured.

Surprisingly, not all bullies are fully conscious of the harm they inflict. Some may genuinely believe that their actions - name-calling, teasing, or roughhousing - are simply harmless fun.

They might view their behaviour as playful banter or rough play among friends, failing to recognise the emotional and psychological toll it can take on their peers.

This lack of emotional awareness can stem from several factors, including inadequate guidance, exposure to violent behaviour, or poor role models.

I have encountered parents, and even teachers, unintentionally reinforce this behaviour by downplaying or excusing it. Statements like "boys will be boys" or "he was just provoked and had the right to retaliate" not only normalise bullying but also dismiss the need for accountability and empathy.

WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS A BULLY?

When parents discover that their child is bullying others, their first instinct may be to either react with anger, or be in denial.

Instead of rushing to punish or defend, parents should calmly talk with their child to understand the root causes of the behaviour. Is it peer pressure, unresolved emotions, or behaviour modelled from others?

Sometimes, simply making the child aware of the harm they've caused can lead to reflection and change.

Schools, being the main environment where bullying occurs, can offer resources like counselling or social-emotional programmes to teach empathy and conflict resolution. Parents should work closely with educators to ensure their child receives the necessary support.

Fostering empathy in children is key to reducing bullying. Roleplaying can help them grasp the emotional consequences of their actions, leading to healthier social interactions.

With the rise of cyberbullying, it's also essential for parents to monitor online behaviour, set clear boundaries, and encourage respectful digital conduct.

EMPATHY IS KEY

Contrary to popular belief, bullies aren’t doomed to become aggressive adults. With early intervention, many children outgrow these behaviours.

Programmes that focus on empathy and emotional regulation have proven effective in reducing aggression. For more severe cases, professional counselling can help address deeper issues like trauma or anxiety.

To effectively address bullying, understanding what empathy entails is key. Empathy goes beyond sympathy, which is merely feeling sorrow or pity for someone’s situation. True empathy involves stepping into another person’s shoes and experiencing their emotions as if they were your own.

We must extend empathy not only to the victims but also to the bullies themselves. This is not to excuse or absolve them of responsibility, but rather to recognise that many bullies are often victims of trauma or difficult circumstances themselves.

By understanding the factors that drive bullying - whether it's trauma, social pressure, or psychological issues - parents and educators can intervene effectively, fostering a culture where both bullies and victims receive the help they need.

Dr Lim Boon Leng is a psychiatrist at the Gleneagles Medical Centre.